Make a Wish
Okay, here goes: I wish I didn't feel compelled to watch junk like this. This dumbass time-waster combines the worst cliches from slasher films with the worst cliches from lesbian cinema and comes up with something that... well, if it can't be described as a 'film', it certainly is something at least. What word you would use to call something that involves talentless thespians (heh heh, I said thespian) wandering around in a scenic landscape mouthing awful dialogue and generally behaving like obnoxious twats while some mystery person picks them off in lame slasher scenes, I'm not sure, but I think 'shit' might apply. What is with the impulse in low-budget slasher movies to make all the characters unlikeable, anyway? Is it so we won't care when they get offed? That seems rather counterproductive to me, since the whole point of the horror genre is confrontation with fright and dread, feelings which require a modicum of investment in the narrative and the characters within it. Remove that, and you have a geek show. Not to say that you can't have fun at the geek show, but the geek needs something to set himself apart from all the other scrubs biting off chicken heads... and brother, making your geek a dislikable lesbian instead of a dislikable alpha male ain't cutting it. And speaking of cutting it, even the slasher aspect of this film is worthless -- the makeup budget apparently ran to twenty bucks at best, so we get sad-sack scenes like the woman killed while wrapped in her tent (thus removing the need to show her bleeding) or the woman so dumb that she manages to drown herself. And then there's the ending, which is just the menstrual blood on top of the cake: In revealing the killer, the screenwriter first went with the choice that was so baldly obvious that I'd figured it for an easy red herring... and then she had to compound the agony by throwing in a last-minute twist that, while not exactly a ripoff of the famed Dead of Night
twist, sure feels *ahem*inspired by*ahem* that rather well-known gotcha. Except, you know, without the intelligence or the creepy effect. Even the setup sucks. I mean, I don't know that much about lesbian life, but do they make a habit of hanging around their ex-girlfriends? Even when the relationship was ended through infidelity? I mean, jesus. This is about as worthless as you can get and still have something to show your friends. Fuck this movie in the cooter with a steel dildo.