*STEVE PASSES A KIDNEY STONE FROM ABJECT SHOCK* Holy shittake mushrooms! Favorite Guest Reviewer - Jenny Sekwa is finally posting a couple of movie reviews. I don't know what got into me. OK, everyone...gather round....and everyone feel free to kick Steve-O in the nuts as you step over his limp and fainted body. He likes it rough.
DRUM ROLL...........And now for your reading enjoyment - MOVIES YOU'VE ACTUALLY HEARD OF (aka: this is NOT a continuation of EFFIN Hershell Gordon Lewis month - THANK YOU LORD)The Count of Monte Cristo
I thought this might be a yawner. Sometimes "classic" stories bore me to the core of my soul, other times, I'm riveted. In the case of The Count of Monte Cristo
, it was the latter. OK, it's not going to win any Oscars and it doesn't break any new cinematic molds, but HOT DAMN....Jim Caviezel is one dashing hootchie man hero. Even his name - Edmund Dantes, is hot. OH, you wanted to know about the STORY and the other actors like the usually ultra-cool Guy Pearce? Dare I say, Guy Pearce goes a little over the top, in a Snively Whiplash sort of way as Edmund's "best friend", turned ultimate traitor. And sure, there's a few plot devices that you see coming a mile away, but HEY..it's a CLASSIC story of a wronged man's eternal quest for revenge and eventually redemption. And did I mention that Jim Caviezel makes me drip wiz womanly goo? And, REALLY, when reviewing movies, isn't it really about the goo? And dazzling cinematography. Good stuff.
Grade: B+Blue Crush
Alrighteeeee then. A brainless movie about surfer chicks with a dumb subplot involving a *SHOCK* one-night stand with a pro football player. Sounds like you'd rather stick pins in your eyes, right? Surprisingly, Blue Crush
is an appealing, mindless, summer flick, in spite of it's severe lack of intelligent plot. What saves this movie, you ask? Why the riveting surfing photography, of course. I kid you not. The shots (and there are plenty) of inside the huge wave pipelines are worth the price of admission and genuinely refreshing to watch. Who cares that I can barely remember the names of the actors - ummmm...Kate Bosworth.....Michelle "She might be a guy" Rodriguez....and ehhhh..who the hell cares. It's all about the waves, dude.
Grade: B-The Anniversary Party
Screw you Mr. Carlson, I really like this movie. Alan Cumming (who is quickly becoming one of my Top 10 fave actors of the moment) and Jennifer Jason-Leigh directed and wrote this somewhat self-indulgent story about a Hollywood writer and actress couple (them) who decide to celebrate their 6th anniversary by throwing a party for a group of their closest friends. The "quirky" aspect of this movie (other than the fact it was shot on digital film in 20 days) is that many of the friends at their party, are friends in real life, like Jennifer Beals whose own photographs adorn the walls of the home of Cummings and Leigh, real-life husband/wife Kevin Kline and Phoebe Cates (who play husband and wife), John C. Reilly, Parker Posey and the special guest star, Gwyneth Paltrow. It's interesting (TO ME, anyway) to watch a group of real friends "play act" a slightly altered version of themselves. The Hollyweird "melodrama" occurs when everyone drops Ecstasy (anniversary gift from Gwynnie) and the friendly facades are dropped. And I love listening to Alan Cumming's laugh. Wow, this movie review writing gig is EXHAUSTING......
Grade: B-The Boondock Saints
I'm embarrassed to admit, that I had never heard of this movie when a film student from Chicago recommended it. Ouch. Here I am, ranting and raving to this guy about "OOOH....I'm such a groovy movie fanatic....what movie could YOU possibly recommend that I haven't seen?" WHOOPS. The upside to this embarrasing situation is that I did follow through on this guy's recommendation and all I can say is THANK YOU, Brendan from Chicago! I freakin LOVE this movie. What's there NOT to like about a movie which has Willem Dafoe playing a flamboyantly gay FBI agent trying to solve the vigilante-style murders of various criminals in Boston. The vigilantism comes courtesy of 2 devoutly Catholic Irish brothers, who take it upon themselves to rid the world of evil by any means deemed necessary. They make Charles Bronson look like weak-sauce. There is a Pulp Fiction
-esque feel to this movie, although it doesn't have its slickness. What it lacks in style, it more than makes up for with a sense of urgency. Did I mention that Billy Connelly plays one of the coolest characters I've watched in a long time? Yeah. I love this movie. It's got some freakin priceless and amusing dialogue and more than a screwball characters. There's even a groovy unexpected plot twist which I found to be most satisfying. Oh yeah.....this is a KEEPER. I dare someone to be disappointed by this flick.
CRIKEY I'm tired.