BloodRayne (2006)

(Requested by Scott Black.)

I hate to admit it, but the quality of Uwe Boll's video-game adaptations has been incrementally increasing with each film he makes. That's how we get from the soul-destroying House of the Dead to the hilariously awful Alone in the Dark to this latest turd, which is merely silly in a vague sort of way. (At this rate, he might accidentally make a tolerable film sometime around the day the sun goes supernova.) BloodRayne is, unfortunately, also vaguely dull, which is not something that can be said for the previous entries in Dr. Boll's Hall of Shame. It still has some amusing bits -- the scene with Meat Loaf as the Marquis de Sade if the Marquis aspired to be David Crosby is Boll at his what-the-fuck 'best' -- and the action scenes, though generally incompetent, benefit from Boll's newfound penchant for hypergore. Mostly though, it just kinda sucks, and not in an interesting way. Interesting note: Dr. Boll is apparently the world's worst director of actors, as everyone in the film (even the actors who should know better) speaks with the Shatner Cadence. Michael Madsen: Worst! Performance! Ever!

Grade: D+