The Butcher (2006)

How is there still a market for low-grade body-count flicks like this one? And who still wants to make them? Checklist of pain: This film contains...

1) Characters who are both hatefully obnoxious and dumb as dirt,

2) Death scenes which are unimaginative and badly staged,

3) A dark creepy house which the dumb-as-dirt characters insist upon exploring despite the boarded-up windows and lack of evidence that anyone's lived there for years,

4) Terrible, terrible dialogue voiced by actors who couldn't get callbacks for stag loops,

5) Shameless thievery of scenes and elements from better films (mainly the original versions of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes), and

6) A hopeless attempt at a last-minute twist.

This, of course, does little to no justice to the idiocy contained within this film. But when filmmakers set their aspirations so low that this film (or any film like it) could be made, I see no reason to go on at length about its total lack of worth. It'd be flogging a very, very dead horse to criticize this film at length. There are one moment so retarded that it scrape genius, when a distraught lesbian drags the top half of her bisected partner into a hiding place so they can be together always; other than that, though, this is desperation time. Not even worth getting drunk to.

Grade: D-