Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Naked Witch (1961)

Oh my God, this movie is hilarious. Just look at the highlights: THRILL! To the endless expository prologue about the history of witchery in Europe that has nothing to do with anything other than padding out the running time! GASP! At the hysterical introduction of the small hamlet in which this film takes place, which looks like a bit of Old Bavaria dropped into the middle of Texas! (I don't care if there actually are German immigrants who settled in Texas, the film's handling of this is wholly unconvincing and thus hysterically funny.) GUFFAW! At the wooden, declamatory dialogue delivery from the cast of amateurs, most notable in the awesomely bad flashback sequence (included in this is the immortal line "Witches are foooor burning!" -- yes, it's delivered just like that). MARVEL! At the lengths the filmmakers go to in an effort to obscure the title character's assets! GRIMACE! At the bathing scene where the filmmakers don't do their jobs well enough and we see that Our Witch has breasts that look like pears lying sideways! RUMINATE! On the fact that the lead is a complete asshole who downplays the fact that everything that happens in the film is his fucking fault! This misbegotten hunk of B-cheese is more fun than a barrel of misshapen titties.

Grade: C


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