The Fog (2005)

This movie sucks. I wish I could say more than that, but this film's complete failure is so total and so depressing that any criticism is obviated. To see it is to know its suckhood. You have to wonder if the people working on it knew of its suckhood. I think they did, which would explain the funereal tone of the acting and the utter lack of tension -- it's like everyone showed up, did the minimum amount of work possible, and went home early. Then there's the nonsensical ending, which just proves that nobody was paying attention to the story or, indeed, gave a shit about it. It's pure product, something to separate hopeful horror fans from their money. This film is like poop in your Christmas stocking. Avoid it as though it were a syphilitic rapist.

Grade: D-