Blade: Trinity (2004)
Get a shovel, 'cause this franchise is dead. David S. Goyer killed it with his cheap flashy visuals and his MTV cutting and his incoherent screenplay that makes hash of the mythology laid out in the two previous films. (If the Reapers from Blade II were a mutation created by the Vampire King, why then does Dracula -- excuse me, Drake -- have the bifurcated jawline and the little Alien-head sucker?) Wesley Snipes looks like he needs a nap, and he's matched by Jessica Biel, the least convincing action hero since Cindy Crawford. There's also a surprisingly bizarre and interesting supporting cast (James Remar! Eric Bogosian! Natasha Lyonne! For God's sake, Patton Oswalt!) that is given absolutely nothing to do. This is unwatchable junk... or it would be if it weren't for Ryan Reynolds. I don't generally find Reynolds that amusing, but he walks into this film like Brando and shits on everything he sees. He seems to be the only one who understands this to be crap, and as such he allows himself to hew out a space where he can do what he wants whether or not it actually works within the film. It undermines the film's mood, true, but then the kind of butt-clenching solemnity on display in this movie could use some undermining. In other news, am I really the only cineaste in America who finds Parker Posey consistently intolerable? I mean, really people. She's a terrible, tone-deaf actress. Stop giving her work.
Grade: C
Get a shovel, 'cause this franchise is dead. David S. Goyer killed it with his cheap flashy visuals and his MTV cutting and his incoherent screenplay that makes hash of the mythology laid out in the two previous films. (If the Reapers from Blade II were a mutation created by the Vampire King, why then does Dracula -- excuse me, Drake -- have the bifurcated jawline and the little Alien-head sucker?) Wesley Snipes looks like he needs a nap, and he's matched by Jessica Biel, the least convincing action hero since Cindy Crawford. There's also a surprisingly bizarre and interesting supporting cast (James Remar! Eric Bogosian! Natasha Lyonne! For God's sake, Patton Oswalt!) that is given absolutely nothing to do. This is unwatchable junk... or it would be if it weren't for Ryan Reynolds. I don't generally find Reynolds that amusing, but he walks into this film like Brando and shits on everything he sees. He seems to be the only one who understands this to be crap, and as such he allows himself to hew out a space where he can do what he wants whether or not it actually works within the film. It undermines the film's mood, true, but then the kind of butt-clenching solemnity on display in this movie could use some undermining. In other news, am I really the only cineaste in America who finds Parker Posey consistently intolerable? I mean, really people. She's a terrible, tone-deaf actress. Stop giving her work.
Grade: C
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