Mansion by the Lake (2003)

How in fuck's sake did this make the New York Film Festival? This is a Sri Lankan film directed by a man who's apparently been working in that country's cinema since the '50s without ever figuring out how to put together a frickin' movie. Trouble is hinted at in the very first scene, where three people in a car are shot so that it looks like they're all in different time zones; what follows is a cascade of poor acting, poor writing ("inspired by" Chekov's The Cherry Orchard, which is like saying that Strange Brew is inspired by Hamlet) and very poor direction. It's stuffed to the gills with boring would-be drama and clumsy attempts at social relevance and multiple hilariously botched closeups and probably some of the worst foley work you'll ever hear in your life -- the footstep sound effects in particular make everyone sound like they weigh four hundred pounds. People started leaving half an hour into it, and I, having nothing better to do, started tallying the walkouts; in all, ninety-two people left before me and mine called it a night with fifteen minutes left in the film. If this should ever come to your town, avoid it at all costs.

Grade: D