Dreamcatcher (2003)

Well. This plays like a compendium of Stephen King tropes ground up and served as goulash, minus the coherence and good judgement. It'd probably be unwatchable if it wasn't all so fucking hilarious. I mean, seriously -- this movie has aliens that burst out of a man's ass. It has Morgan Freeman referring to real Americans as the kind of people who "never miss an episode of 'Friends'". It has Donnie Wahlberg as a retarded man whose battle cry is "Scooby-Dooby-Doo, we've got work to do!". Fer crissakes, it has Thomas Jane talking into a pistol like it was a telephone! There's more too, oh so much more. Sure it's a failure as a horror film... but it might be the best comedy of the year. It's berserk and misguided and awful and I think I love it. I'd see it again in a heartbeat. Though I do wish it was about twenty minutes shorter. (Memo to William Goldman: You churn out an incoherent piece o' shit like this and have the chutzpah to slag Gangs of New York? Pots and kettles, man...)

Grade: C