Nomads (1986)

The opening sequence to this film is pretty damn cool. It's a loooooooong way down after that. Plain and simple, this movie beat the crap out of me. I tried to run, it knew where I lived. I tried to hide, it smelled my fear. I tried to stand up and fight, it knocked me over and bit my dick off. And then it made me watch the rest of itself, which is really hard to do when you're bleeding from the crotch. Apparently, the lesson of this movie is don't mess with malicious Alaskan demons. And don't let yourself get bitten by crazed French anthropologists. Good life lessons there. Pierce Brosnan is simply atrocious (who told him a French accent was a good idea?).

Grade: D