Sunday, May 26, 2002

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)

[Lights up onto an empty stage. After a minute of silence, THE CRITIC enters from stage right. For THIS REVIEW, he is clad in the styles of the San Fernando Valley. He begins to jabber excitedly.]

Like, OMIGOD, this movie is like the coolest EVER! Like, ya know, it's got these three chicks and they're driving around and kicking ass! They've got like these really fast cars and they're faster than even this car guy's car and it's SO COOL! And they're all we'll kick your ass and he's like no way you will and then THEY DO! And then one of them kills him and they take his girlfriend and they find this old guy with a bunch of money and they're all we should take his money but the old guy's all like no way you get my money but you can have some dinner and water and stuff but I want the dead guy's girlfriend and there's the old guy's two sons and one of them is a HOT muscleman with no brains and the other like this all sensible kind of guy and they're all trying to outsmart each other and kick each other's ass and IT'S JUST LIKE SO FUCKING COOL! Like, this movie has some of the greatest dialogue ever like when the main chick (who is like now totally my hero) tells the car guy that you could time his car with an hourglass and then his girfriend gets out of the car and says did somebody mention my figure? OMIGOD! I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF! Like, so totally don't gag me with a spoon because THIS MOVIE IS LIKE SO AWESOME I COULD SPIT! Yeah!

Grade: A