Woodchipper Massacre (1988)
What the hell is wrong with me? Haven't I learned yet that the coolest and/or funkiest titles get stuck on the crummiest films? Haven't I suffered enough to figure this out? (Apparently not... I just traded for a copy of Can Hieronimus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?) And (last of the rhetorical questions, I promise) shouldn't a film with the word "massacre" in its title actually have, oh, I don't know, something resembling a massacre? Apparently, the makers of this home-grown hooey learned something from the late, lamented AIP: Give your film a kickass title and it doesn't matter what the product inside actually looks like -- idiots and saps like myself will pay to see it. Only two people die in Woodchipper Massacre, and both times there's a distinct lack of gore (gee, maybe the filmmakers couldn't afford any...). And the movie's not even really a horror film -- it ends up being a warm, fuzzy black comedy (how's THAT for a great oxymoron?) about a family that pulls together in a time of need! Which means there's absolutely no reason for any self-respecting horror fan or gorehound to consider renting it. There's one sole point of interest, and it's purely regional -- this was filmed around West Redding, CT, which isn't THAT far from the town I currently call home. Those of you who don't live in Connecticut don't even have that to hold on to. (In full disclosure, I should also mention that the film's midpoint -- right after the first death -- has about ten minutes of fitfully amusing moments. But you didn't hear that from me.)
Grade: C- (and I'm being generous here, people)
What the hell is wrong with me? Haven't I learned yet that the coolest and/or funkiest titles get stuck on the crummiest films? Haven't I suffered enough to figure this out? (Apparently not... I just traded for a copy of Can Hieronimus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?) And (last of the rhetorical questions, I promise) shouldn't a film with the word "massacre" in its title actually have, oh, I don't know, something resembling a massacre? Apparently, the makers of this home-grown hooey learned something from the late, lamented AIP: Give your film a kickass title and it doesn't matter what the product inside actually looks like -- idiots and saps like myself will pay to see it. Only two people die in Woodchipper Massacre, and both times there's a distinct lack of gore (gee, maybe the filmmakers couldn't afford any...). And the movie's not even really a horror film -- it ends up being a warm, fuzzy black comedy (how's THAT for a great oxymoron?) about a family that pulls together in a time of need! Which means there's absolutely no reason for any self-respecting horror fan or gorehound to consider renting it. There's one sole point of interest, and it's purely regional -- this was filmed around West Redding, CT, which isn't THAT far from the town I currently call home. Those of you who don't live in Connecticut don't even have that to hold on to. (In full disclosure, I should also mention that the film's midpoint -- right after the first death -- has about ten minutes of fitfully amusing moments. But you didn't hear that from me.)
Grade: C- (and I'm being generous here, people)
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